Ask Mama E

2009-08-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

How Significant is your other?...

...Is an interesting perspective on relationships which on the surface appear committed or "significant". Check it out on my website: http://mamaeanswers.com/ and let me know what you think.

Also, if you haven't signed up for Mama E's monthly newsletter, there's a link for you to do so.

We're planning really big things in the near future, so go to the website and sign up now. You don't want to be left out.

Isn't it funny...

2009-07-05T10:26:00.000-07:00

...That the people who wouldn't spend $2.00 to take their spouse (or significant other) out for a burger, will spend hundreds of dollars on a new love interest? I always find it interesting, considering how expensive dating can be. It costs money, time and energy to spend time with an individual that you find attractive. (Not to mention, trying to convince them that you're worth their time. LOL)

Isn't it funny...?

...That it takes two people to agree to get married, and yet, a divorce can be granted based on the decision of only one?

Isn't it funny...?

...That people will go to all lengths to find a church and a preacher in order to have a wedding, but will not continue to use the church and the preacher to keep the marriage together.

Isn't it funny...?

...That we're spending a fortune on things which will amuse or entertain our children, and no one seems to worry about the affect our behavior is having on the kids.
We are failing to surround them with stability, confidence, security, or a sense of commitment; remember those basic values which seem to have disappeared?

Isn't it funny...?

...That as smart as we are, as technologically savvy, and as intellectually astute, how we can be so void of simple common sense.

They say that common sense isn't so common after all; And I guess, in the long run, all of this is not so funny at all!

How Come?

2009-05-31T12:13:00.000-07:00

How Come?

There’re so many things that I don’t understand
Why are there so many issues between woman and man?
I’d give anything to know where this confusion came from
I just wanna know, how come, how come?

How come we call it “no fault”, as if no one’s to blame?
Whoever thought of that, must have been insane
How come it takes two to marry, but only one to end it?
How come we all want a home, but nobody wants to tend it?

How come we’re never content - jumping from bed to bed?
How come we’re not true to the one that we wed?
How come we seem to have given up on romance?
How come we’re not willing to give our marriages a chance?

How come to get divorced, no price is too much-
Attorney’s fees, child support, alimony and such.
How come the new love can get anything that you’ve got?
Time, money, and effort; it’ll cost you a lot.

How come we get advice from folks all over town?
But when your home is destroyed, they’re nowhere to be found.
Why didn’t you see that you had God’s best?
Instead of following the crowd, and getting into this mess?

So, is commitment now a thing of the past?
How come we can’t have marriages that last?
How come we don’t just go to the source?
God ordained marriage, and he hates divorce.

Copyright © Estella Keese 2004
5/31/09 2:33 PM

The Chris Brown and Rihanna saga

2009-03-18T16:09:00.000-07:00

It seems that everyone is expressing an opinion on the recent news story regarding Chris Brown and Rihanna. One of the things that I find fascinating is how many people feel justified in expressing their opinions. Opinions are like names, everyone has one. So let me throw my hat in the ring, and give you my take on the issue.

First I'd like to be clear that in this country, we're still innocent until proven guilty. One's guilt is not determined by how many people think that you are guilty. Therefore, until there is a trial, it's all mere conjecture, and we should let the justice system work.

Having said this I want to say emphatically that I don't feel that there is any excuse for abuse! Whether it is initiated by a male or female, it's wrong. People were created in God's image, which makes all of us valuable and special, and I don't think that He is pleased with us inflicting pain on his prized possessions.

Aside from the biblical perspective, what gives one human being a right to demean (in any way)another human? Oh, I've heard the excuses: "She made me mad"; "He was in my space"; "She disrespected me"; "I was drunk". But there is NO justification for exhibiting violent behavior against another person. NONE!!! If a person causes you to become that angry, why are you with them?

We have a warped sense of the definition of love. Assuming that we are in our right minds, we don't hurt things that we love. When this happens, one must evaluate themselves! Women who advocate daring a man to hit them, or men who believe that it is acceptable to punch a woman, must come to grips with what is REALLY wrong. The issue is not the other person, but rather, something on the inside of the abuser.

Until we are OK with ourselves, it is impossible to have loving, caring relationships. We can fake it temporarily; We can put on a good "front" for the public. But the truth is that we can't give love away, until we love ourselves. Loving oneself does not come from any arrogant sense of self-pride, but rather from knowing that you are fearfully and wonderful made. When you know this, you will never allow an individual to treat you otherwise.

Sometimes we use clothes, jewelry, cars, houses, and other superficial, external items to try to cover up our low opinions of ourselves. True happiness, however, comes from inner peace, and no external source,certainly no individual, can give you this.

Let me close by saying this. What happened between Chris Brown and Rihanna is known only by them (and God). And in a real sense, It's irrelavant! What really matters is how do you feel about YOU?

Promise me that you'll take good care of yourself. You deserve it.

What's new???

2009-02-25T18:38:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd bring you up to date with Mama E since our last post. Let's begin with the overwhelming, unexplainable, indescribable sense of sheer joy that I experienced during my trip to Washington. I will never forget it. To be among the millions of people who converged on the city for the momentus occasion of President Obama's inauguration was a once- in- a- lifetime occurence. I am grateful that God allowed me to live long enough to see it manifested, and as a bonus,to let me follow in the footsteps of my father to witness history.

Two of my three sisters and I (along with spouses) camped out at the other sister's place. (Weren't we fortunate to have a sister who lives in DC?) It was like a teenager's "sleepover"; there we were, all four daughters, reminiscing, eating, laughing,(and did I say eating?). It gave us an opportunity to reflect on how fortunate we are to have family.

Isn't it funny how we take things like family and friends for granted?

Anyway, I came back home even more motivated to do all that I can do to make a difference in the world. President Obama inspired me get busy again! It's so easy to be persuaded that your work is of little or no value. (I wonder who plants that thought in our minds?) In any event, all of us have a purpose and a God given destiny, and it's up to us to carry it out. What are you doing that will leave a mark on the planet?

What do you spend your time on? Recognize that you can't get a refund on wasted time; you can't recoup lost time. All of us get an equal amount of time- 24 hours in a day, and when it's gone-you can't get it back. When we say that we didn't have time to do _xxxxxxx_, what does that really mean? Aren't we really saying that we chose to do something else with our time?

What lasting value will your thoughts and actions have on others? Who will benefit from what you accomplished on earth? Will the world be better because of you?

Ok. So enough of the philosophical food for thought.

Mama E is hosting a one day conference on March 21st, and I'm inviting all of you to attend. We're going to work on our relationships. (You would agree that relationships require work, right?) It's for singles and couples, and you have to be there. Save the date, Sat. March 21st at 2591 W. Beaver St., Jacksonville, Fl. Contact me for more information.

Until next time, take good care of you,

Mama E

Happy New Year

2009-01-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

Well, guys, we made it!! 2008 was a year of challenges, but we survived. Many of us faced physical tests, some experienced financial trials, for others, it was emotional distress...but the good news is that we're still here, and there is always something to be grateful for. Lots of wonderful things happened last year, sometimes we just have to look around and recognize them.

One thing that comes to mind is the awesome way that Americans came together to change politics in this country. It will never be the same! I wanted to acknowledge all of you - the X, Y, and Z'ers who made it happen. Some of you never had any interest in politics, but in 2008, you involved yourselves in the process. You were responsible for the outcome, and I couldn't be prouder.Some of you volunteered in phone banks, some knocked on doors, many donated to the campaign, or attended the rallies. Wow!

Those of us in my generation could only go "just so far", and though we have run well, we needed you to finish the race. Thank you from all the baby boomers and those who have preceeded us.

The following is a commentary which I wrote recently; I thought you might enjoy it.

I am one of probably millions of African-Americans who will be going to the nation's capital during the week of the presidential inauguration. We have no hope of actually witnessing the ceremony in person, and to a large degree, being present is not even necessary. We are perfectly content to just be there, to inhale the enthusiasm, to feel the excitement. We want to be a part of the atmosphere which is being created by the historical events that will culminate on January 20th, 2009.

My story, though similar to many, is perhaps different from most. I am one of five children (four daughters and one son) born to a neighborhood barber, Abner, and his stay-at-home wife, Zenovious.("Housewife" is what they called my mom in those days, even though she was hardly married to the house!) We were reared to respect authority, hold our heads upright, and to look into a person's eyes when saluting them. Whether in casual conversation or addressing an audience, we were never allowed to murmur or mutter (as kids tend to do), but required to speak clearly and distinctly.

What makes the trip to Washington so significant for me is this: In August of 1963, my father rode the Freedom Train to Washington D.C. to participate in the March on Washington. My elder sister had graduated from high school and was about to enter college that fall. Mom made sure his "blue serge suit" was picked up from the dry cleaners, packed Dad a lunch (probably the traditional fried chicken sandwiches and pound cake), and we all went to the train station to see him off. The train originated in Miami, adding passengers in cities along the way, who were people just like my father; Thousands of African- American citizens (called Negroes back then) were determined to make this country better for their offspring. I'm sure that those people who marched from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial never imagined that someone who looked like them would one day occupy 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

And so, on Sunday, January 18, 2009, I will board a train which will likewise originate in Florida, will pick up passengers along the way, and terminate in Washington D.C. I'm certain that each passenger will have their own distinct reasons for taking off work, incurring an added expense even in a bad economy, and making any other sacrifice needed to make the trip. I will join my three sisters- forty-five years after our father walked the streets of the nations' capital and together we will tip our hats to our parents who never got to witness what the March on Washington was all about. Dr. King spoke to that crowd that included our father about a dream, and we'll be a part of the crowd that will see the dream come true.

What do you do in a storm?

2008-09-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

We live in an area where hurricanes are normal- to the degree that we refer to the period between June and November as hurricane season. This year we've had a rather active season, in that we've seen Fay and Hanna and most recently, Ike create havoc and hardship. You're probably asking, "where is she going with this"? Well, my dears. I've learned that life is constantly teaching us lessons, if we would just observe, listen, and learn from it. Let's see what life has to say about the storms.

First, We’ve learned to expect storms. We know that every year there is the possibility that they could come.
Secondly, Storms come in varying degrees of intensity.
Next, There are usually signs. The weather bureau has the capability to track certain patterns and predict the outcome.
And lastly, We are always advised to prepare for them.

So it is with relationships. In our marriages or other relationships, we should not be so naive as to think that every day will be sunny and rosey. We are not going to "feel" in love everyday. Feelings are fickle, and therefore, your relationship can not be based on feelings or emotions. Additionally, life won't allow you to get from start to finish without some obstacles, some disappointments, and some hurts. So, expect them! Just like the hurricanes, don't let them catch you off guard.

The next point it vital, so take note. Hurricanes are categorized by their intensity. A category 5 storm is of greater strength, velocity, speed, etc, than a category 1. In your relationships, please determine whether the issue at hand is worth evacuation. Many of us are leaving (giving up, walking away, quitting) over things that are just not worth it. We often make a big deal over matters which could have been ignored. As with hurricanes, many times things begin as,(appear to be)a big deal, but quickly are downsized to a tropical depression- not even in the category of a hurricane.

Do you get my point? Let's pick our battles, and stop jumping out of the boat (i.e, relationship)over inconsequential, non-essential, irrelavant matters.

Be watchful. Rarely, if ever, do serious problems develop in our relationships without some prior signs of trouble. We're just usually not paying attention. Maybe that's the key: pay attention to the person that you care about. If they are worth being in a meaningful relationship with, then they are worth careful observation.

Now, my last peice of Mama E advice: PREPARE FOR THE STORM. Invest in the relationship. Read. Listen. Learn. Good relationships don't just happen, they are developed. You must want it enough to put time, energy, and resources into making it great.

Gotta go for now.

But Don't forget- our live recording of the Legacy Tour is coming soon- Music, Drama, and the wisdom of Mama E! You don't want to miss it.

I love you all,
Mama E

PS - Register and Vote. You owe it to yourself and your future.

Legacy vs Destiny

2008-07-30T15:10:00.000-07:00

Hi Everybody,

I owe you a big apology for not staying in touch! By way of explanation, (as opposed to an excuse), things have been extremely busy. I've been writing, training, and lecturing more than ever, and even though nothing makes me feel more fulfilled, it has been a little exhausting. One of my weaknesses is that I tend to overestimate my time and abilities. I know my capabilities, (what I'm capable of doing), but I forget that I only have the alloted 24 hours in which to do them. Being a superwoman is not all that it's cracked up to be. LOL

In any event, I had a wonderful experience recently;I was honored to address our family's 41st reunion. We get together for a weekend, every other year, and I've come to really value the time spent with my aunties, uncles, cousins, neices & nephews, etc. I look forward to seeing the new babies, meeting the new spouses who have joined our ranks, and even lamenting the lost of loved ones who are no longer with us.

I talked to our family group about the importance of intergenerational interaction. Somehow, we have allowed ourselves to build walls which prevent us from joining forces for a greater good. Just as society as a whole uses race, gender, ethnicity, size, height, (you name it!) to keep us divided, I think the generations have done pretty much the same thing. Younger people seem to disregard older people based on the assumption that they don't know or understand their experiences. Likewise, older people can get so caught up in hair and fashion styles,or differences in our music choices, that we fail to notice all of the wonderful things that youth has to offer.
If we are to accomplish great things, we must remember that we all need each other.

Legacy speaks to our past, and destiny is about our future. What if our purpose is somehow intertwined in the two entities? Just suppose that you need what I bring from our past to get you to your future. Is it possible that I could allow you to stand on my shoulders to reach your goals and dreams? Our foreparents never dreamed that the day would come when a woman and an African-American would run for president of the United States of America. And yet, who knows? Maybe they did see that as a possibility! They probably had big-g-g-g dreams for their descendants. Perhaps they prayed that God will bless their children, and their children's children to acheive more than they could ask or dream! Could it be that they are cheering us on, wishing us all the best? Wouldn't it be a shame for any of us to fail to complete our God-given assignments merely because we failed to value the giftings of others?

Let me challenge you today to put aside your prejudices and judgemental attitudes. Let's embrace the differences and look beyond those petty opinions about who we are. Essentially, we're actually all created by God for specific purposes, and we're wasting valuable time fighting over dreadlocks and old school music. God is depending on us to get a job done!

If you haven't inquired of Him, ask him to reveal your purpose. Then, vigorously go after it, and do not neglect to use the generational resources available to you. You just might be surprised to find hidden treasures in the folks that you've overlooked.

Our Legacy Tour is underway; a group of people of all ages presenting music and words of wisdom from Mama E. You're sure to enjoy it!

If you want us to come to your city, or want more information, just send me a note.

It's officially spring

2008-04-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks since I talked to everybody, and today is as good a day as any to rectify that. We've been extremely busy with the book signing (which, by the way, was a huge success), the promotion tour, speaking engagements, and planning our next event.

We're hosting a brunch on May 31st, which will be a means of organizing other MOMs to unite for one common goal-to be there for our children. "Ask Mama E" is the coaching division of In Him Ministries, organized solely to address the issues and concerns of the 18-35 year old population. I recognize that life throws some difficult blows sometimes, and we all need someone to talk to. It occured to me that there are lots of women who share my passion. We want to help you get through some of the murky waters of life.

It is with this in mind, that women from around the city (and eventually, the world) will organize and mobilize our forces so that we can be effective in reaching our children's generation.

Having said this, let me just speak to you today about making wise choices. I remember some things that I've done in my past, which, in retrospect, were not so smart. Quite frankly, some of them were just plain "dumb". All of us have done it, even though we don't always admit it. So let me speak for parents who might not tell you; part of the experience of growing up is making poor choices.

However, at some point we must recognize that we're making these poor choices, and then- stop. It's really that simple: make the decision to think about the decision that you're making. Ask yourself,"What is the consequence of this decision?" If you conclude that you don't want to live with the consequence, then don't do it!

Examples of things that I want you to think about, would be: Who are the People that you spend your time with; How much of yourself do you give to these people; Do your associates have your best interest at heart, or are they unequally benefitting from the friendship?; Do you fall in and out of love?; Are you afraid to be alone?; What is it about yourself that you don't like and why?

Do you make good money decisions? What's your credit report look like? Do you have more CD's (compact disc)in your car, than CD's (certificates of deposit)in the bank?

Do you make and keep regular appointments with your physician? Do you take care of your body, by eating properly and resting appropriately?

I could go on and on - after all, I'm a mom, and that's what we do. :-)
But I'm not just talking because I have nothing better to do; It is my hope that I will cause to think about real life. You're getting older by the day, and these things don't go away. You ultimately will have to live with the decisions you make today.

Give it some thought, and we'll talk again soon.

By the way, if you haven't gotten the book, I really recommend it. It's real easy reading, no super philosophical, super deep stuff- just everyday talk from a mom who cares.

Book Signing and Spoken Word Concert

2008-03-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

Well, everybody! It's almost time, and the excitement is building!

The concert and book release is just around the corner. We've got music, (both vocal and instrumental), by some of the finest. And of course, poetry and the best of Mama E'isms. You absolutely do not want to miss it. Where else can you get good company, entertainment and words of wisdom from Mom?

Get your tickets early. And help Mama E get the word out by way of: email, on your "my space" page, your YouTube, your FacePage, to all your friends, and their friends (wherever they are).

You can even notify your enemies; they'll be easier to get along with, after this experience. LOL!!

Introduction to new book "To All My Kids, Love Mama E"

2008-03-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

Somehow over the past several years I have formed a special bond with the people of my children’s generation. It’s rather strange and even surprising that these individuals feel comfortable sharing with me - sometimes, things that are very serious in nature, and often just to laugh about the mundane and routine. Now that my children are adults, and I have grandchildren, I recognize that things are not as they were when I was in the spring and summer of life.

I believe that life is a sequence of stages, much like the seasons. Spring would be young adults who have perhaps finished high school, able to partake of adult experiences without, in many cases, having to pay full price. (Often, this age group is still at home, so they don’t have all of the expenses of adulthood). Summer would be those folks who are generally married and paying rent or mortgages; there perhaps are a couple of children; and they have all of the responsibilities that go with this stage.

Then there is autumn or fall. We’ve gotten past the childrearing years; some call it empty-nesters or baby boomers. But we’ve learned from our mistakes (hopefully), and life has mellowed. We tend to know who we are, what we want, and where we’re going. (You’ll notice that I referred to “we” in this section, because this is the season in which I find myself, and quite frankly, loving every minute of it.)

Lastly, there’s winter. This is the precious season of aged mothers and fathers, whose children are now grandparents. Often they are honored at family reunions and revered as forerunners and elders in the family. This is, at least, how it’s supposed to be.

As I watch the culture evolve, and I see so many people younger than myself making life choices which are detrimental, not only to themselves, but to society at large, I was moved to do something! Granted, I didn’t know what I could or should do; but I knew I had to do something. There is a verse in the bible, found in Titus 2:4 that gave me the answer. It admonishes older women to teach the younger women, and I could either wait for them to come to me, or I could go to them.

This book is one attempt to fulfill this mandate. I hope to save the X, Y, and Z generations’ time, energy, and heartaches by sharing some of what I’ve learned along my journey. There will be a series of books that will offer tidbits of motherly wisdom about various subjects. It is my prayer that something I will share will be of benefit as you attempt to navigate through life.

I love you all,

Mama E.

Happy Valentine Day

2008-02-11T13:13:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody, it's Mama E.

Hope you're having a great day. If you're in the Jacksonville, Florida area, and have access to Comcast Cable TV, I host a local show which is aired every Sunday morning at 10:00 AM. I invite you to tune in.

As we approach Valentine's Day, let's talk today about Love. Often our idea of what love is comes from what Celebrities say or do. Sometimes, we get opinions of the definition of love from our friends and associates, (who probably don't know anymore than you). But I suggest that we look at the original lover, in order to find out what love is. The originator of love is God;the bible actually says that He IS love.

When we see people jumping in and out of relationships, or having intimate associations with multiple people, it is apparent that what we demonstrate is not love. It might be fear of being alone. Maybe, it's mere sexual pleasure, or maybe we boost our egos by having other people infatuated with us. Whatever the reason, it's not love.

Love is sacrificial! I know! This is not what you want to hear, but that's what God did for us, and if we're to expect the real, long-lasting benefits of love, it starts with giving up your wants/needs to meet the wants/needs of another.

Love is also commitment. It means that I'm not taking the easy way out. I'm not going to change my mind because a better offer comes along. Note this: there will always be someone smarter, prettier, richer, in better shape, etc. If you are swayed by these exterior, superficial attributes, you will live your life totally unfulfilled because you will always be looking for someone or something else. That's instability!

Love is a decision. It is not "falling in love". What is that? To fall- sounds like you tripped over something. :-)When you make a decision to do something, it didn't just happen. For instance, if you made a decision to go to work today, you were not surprised that you were seated at your desk.You set the clock when you went to be, you got out of bed, got dressed, got in the car, etc. You did all that was neccesary to get there. That's what happens when a decision has been made.Do you get my point? Decide to love him/her. Then do everything neccesary to live up to the decision.

Lastly, flowers are nice, going out to dinner is great, and diamonds are a girl's best friend LOL..But may I suggest that you do more than give her/him a card or a gift? Get information! What do I mean? Learn what it takes to have a good relationship: invest in books, tapes, seminars, or classes. Many times we fail because we don't have the skills to succeed. God says that "My people perish for lack of knowledge". Resources are all around you.

Promise me that you'll take advantage of them, and I promise you that it will make all the difference.Talk to you next time,Mama EB
February 8, 2008 9:43 AM

Encouragement from Mama E

2008-01-16T13:06:00.000-08:00

I thought that today, as sort of a foundation for this blog, I want to say thank you to the thousands of you who never make the news. You go about your day, going to work, taking care of kids (or sharing in the needs of your family), & receiving no recognition for the good things that you do. It perhaps appears that it goes unnoticed; there are days when you feel like your life is boring, mundane, and of little consequence. Nothing could be further from the truth.

It is vital that you understand how much the world needs and appreciates what you do, and I just wanted to tell you so! So to my kids, and all of you who have adopted me as your substitute Mom, you're doing a great job, and we're all better because of you.

Love,
Mama E

Who Is Mama E?

2008-01-15T17:55:00.001-08:00

Mama E is a personal coach, for 18-35 year old individuals, who can help you take a real look at your relationships and other life issues. Are you getting the results you want from the choices which you're making? Do you need someone that you can talk to? (That is, with the goal being to find a solution!) Many times, we want to merely talk about the problem, but make no steps toward solving the problem.

The other mistake that is often made is this: seeking guidance from contemporaries or peers. If one only gets the perspectives of persons with the same level of experience or value systems as himself, it it likely that the conclusion will be slanted or one-sided.Mama E brings a different dimension to life's challenges, because she has lived it. Her expertise is a combination of formal training (BA degree in Sociology), practical background (trainer, teacher, writer & lecturer), and good, old-fashioned mother-wit.

Married for over 30 years, the mother of three adult children, and proud grandmother of three, Mama E brings an uncanny ability to convey an intuitive and common sense approach to life and relationships.We will explore together some of the "tough stuff" that life throws at you. So stay tuned for relevant and interesting dialogue with MAMA E.